A So Called Relaxing Vacation
by iNikkix3
Summary: Tsuna decides to send the Varia on a holiday for them to relax. However, knowing them, the vacation may not be as relaxing as Tsuna thinks. Rated for Squ's swearing and groping from Lussuria. Purely crack, please review! Pairings: B26, XS and Luss/Levi
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Sorry if you were hoping otherwise. That piece of genius is all Akira Amano.**

**This story is co-written by NinaKerndall and iNikkix3. **

**OneSunnyNight may write the future chapters, but for now, this story is purely written by the people listed above. **

**Please R&R, but no flaming, thanks.**

_**Chapter 1: Welcome to Singapore**_

It was a nice day. The bright sun was shining gloriously in the azure blue sky, as cotton-candy-like fluffy clouds floated lazily-

"VROI!"

…while an angered scream from the Vongola headquarters sent cute Hibird-like birds flying anxiously away from the nearby forest.

"What do you mean you're #%^#$ sending us away?" Superbi Squalo screamed while waving his sword around.

The Vongola Tenth sighed and rubbed his temples. The swordsman was giving him a rather nasty headache he would prefer not to have. He wished he didn't have to meet the Varia in person. But he had to, or the plan wouldn't work.

"Exactly what I meant. We're going through a peaceful time right now and the Varia just doesn't have to do any missions. Since all of you seem so bored in Italy, I'm sending you overseas for a relaxing holiday."

The Varia Storm Guardian gave his trademark grin and laugh. "Ushishishi. Where to? Paris? They have shops fit for a Prince."

Tsuna shook his head, feeling the headache attack his poor head with a large hammer. "No you've been there before. This time you're going to Asia. And it's not Japan, either."

"Then where the #$%$ are we going?" The vulgar Rain Guardian seemed infuriated, even more so than normal.

"A s-small island in Southeast A-Asia called S-Singapore."

"WHAT? I've never even heard of it! VROI! Whose idea was this?"

Tsuna looked down awkwardly, not daring to say a single word. He feared for the life of the person who suggested this.

"VROI! You better tell me or I'll use you for #%$^#^% cutting practice!" The shark resorted to threats.

The boss scratched his cheek nervously. "Eheheh. I-it was Y-Yamamoto."

"TAKESHI! I'm going to $#%#$ take you down!" The door opened just a crack and the man in question poked his head through inquisitively. "Did someone say my name?"

All attention turned to him, while Tsuna waved his arms up and down in a panic, trying to signal to Yamamoto that this was not a good situation and that Squalo wanted to chop his head off.

Naturally, he didn't take the hint.

"Hi everyone! I heard that Singapore was really fun so I had this idea of sending you guys there!" Yamamoto laughed cheerfully, oblivious to the death stares he was getting.

The Varia boss, who had been dozing in a chair while the disregarded Levi lavished attention on him, finally woke up with a scowl. "Trash. Do you think we're guinea pigs?

"A-Ano…we don't think you're guinea pigs. We just––" Tsuna got cut off halfway.

"I'm out of here. Pieces of trash." Xanxus got out of his chair and headed to the exit. His faithful and disrespected servant scrambled to follow.

"Xanxus! Levi! Wait! Ah, I really hoped I wouldn't have to do this..." Tsuna frowned slightly as he stared at the backs of the greatest assassination squad in the world. "Gokudera-kun? Please initialize the original plan."

"Yes, Juudaime!" The Vongola Storm Guardian jumped out from wherever he was hiding from holding two handfuls of, as strange as it seems, baseballs.

"Yamamoto! Catch!" Tsuna threw Yamamoto a baseball bat from under the mahogany desk just as Gokudera threw the baseballs into the space between Yamamoto and the Varia.

As his fingers curled around the handle of the bat, Yamamoto changed from being his usual happy-go-lucky self to a professional and focused baseball player instantly. With an evil glint in his eyes of course, one can never forget about the evil eye.

His stance changed to that of a batting position as he went into Super-Batting-Mode. Six balls were whacked at amazingly high speeds right at the heads of the Varia members.

All of them, taken by surprise, went down. Although Lussuria did go down with a dramatic squeal.

Tsuna stared at the motionless bodies unhappily. "They were supposed to go willingly."

"Happily, they didn't, and so we have the pleasure of sending them over before they wake up." Gokudera gave a rare grin before waving in the grunts that were already waiting outside.

"Administer the knock-out drug, tie each one of them up, and load them onto the private jet. If any of them start to stir before boarding the plane, whack them over the head but don't kill them. Got it? Go." The grunts hurried to carry out his commands.

Tsuna sighed as he sat back down at his desk. "I'm glad that was taken care of. Now, for other pressing matters…"

- B26 - B26 -

Fran poked Squalo awake. "Captain. We've landed in Singapore."

Squalo stirred. "Whaa…? WHAT? VROI! Why didn't you #$%^ wake me up EARLIER?"

"Because you work better as an alarm clock," Fran pointed at the other members of the Varia, who had woken up at Squalo's outburst. "You're loud, you know."

He chose to ignore what Fran had said. "Why didn't you #$%# untie me? You're #$#%$ untied!"

"I didn't want to invade your personal space. And I don't have to untie you. Just slip out of it." Fran replied calmly as he pointed to an untied ring of rope beside him.

An air steward walked out of the back compartment, not at all shocked at the sight of 6 strangely dressed assassins being tied up in the jet.

Fran immediately wondered if it was part of the job description or just that the air steward had on a very good poker face.

"You have reached your destination, Singapore. Thank you for flying with Vongola airlines. If you walk right out, you will be able to take the limo to the prestigious Raffles Hotel, where you will be led to your suites." The steward smiled as he bowed slightly.

"A-ri-ga-to." Four knives flew right at the guy, stabbing him in the limbs.

The poor guy fell to the ground after a single painful scream.

Fran decided that the air steward was already told beforehand that insane people –cough- Bel-sempai –cough- would take this flight. No good pokerfaced person, like _himself_, would ever scream so painfully.

"VROI! Bel! Why did you kill that $#!$%#$% grunt?" The overly-stressed commander yelled, a few silver strands of hair falling from his head.

Bel yawned. "He woke the Prince up, so he deserves a death penalty. Although the Prince was good to him and decided to keep him alive. Ushishishi."

Fran decided to be good (angelic in his opinion) for once and poked Bel in the shoulder. "The idiotic long-haired-captain woke you up. Not that guy."

"The Prince can't attack the stupid long-haired commander. Baka shark would attack him back. Ushishishi. And don't poke me, uncute kouhai." A knife impaled itself into Fran's froggie hat.

"Sempai. Itai." Fran pulled the knife out of his hat, bent it, and tossed it away. "Ah."

An anger mark appeared on Belphegor's head. "Don't…throw…the Prince's knife…away."

More strangely-shaped knives landed on Fran's hat, to no one's surprise.

- XS - XS -

"Please go right this way." The hotel attendant who had materialized after they had gotten out of the limousine led them through a short hallway of doors till they reached the end.

"These three Presidential Suites are for the six of you. The Vongola boss has sent a list of who goes with whom. Xanxus-sama with Squalo-sama, Lussuria-sama and Levi-sama, Belphegor-sama and Fran-sama." He informed the Varia politely after checking a short list.

Belphegor scowled. "Why does the Prince have to be in the same room as the frog? The Prince deserves a suite of his own."

"I don't mind bunking with the old lightning pervert if you don't mind being raped by Lussuria while you're sleeping," Fran drawled, eyeing the Sun Guardian who was already trying to molest Levi.

The places of Belphegor's face which could be seen paled. "The Prince shall put up with this because he is kind, and stay with the frog."

"I don't assume Xanxus-sama has any problems with his room arrangements?" The attendant asked amiably.

Xanxus answered with a satisfied grunt.

Squalo complained, very loudly, that if he were to stay with Xanxus, he would definitely die.

Fran and Levi commented quickly that they would gladly switch with Squalo, while Belphegor grinned evilly behind Fran, knives in hand, and Lussuria batted his fake eyelashes at Squalo while cooing innocently.

"I'll take my chances with Xanxus over Belphegor or Lussuria any day, thank you," Squalo muttered, to the others' disappointment and joy.

"Well, that's settled then. The Vongola boss has also sent over all your clothes. You will find them all in your wardrobes." The attendant handed them their room cards, bowed deeply and left.

Helplessly, the assassination squad shuffled, except for Lussuria, who pranced, into their rooms. Levi visibly shivered before being forced into his room by the gay homo.

"Ushishishi. This isn't so bad. The Prince likes his room." Bel smirked as he examined the room.

"One might wonder how you can see the room through your clump of hair." Fran replied in his usual monotone, earning himself a couple of shiny knives.

The room was covered in royal purple and gold, almost looking exactly like Bel's room back in the Varia headquarters. There were two king-sized poster beds, covered with the softest duvets Fran had ever seen. A large television was hung on the wall opposite of the beds, perfect for the sloth-like prince, who could watch television while lying on his bed.

"Ushishishi, they even brought over more knives for the Prince, the smart peasants." Bel smirked as he picked up several polished knives on his bedside table.

"Gulp. I'll have several knife holes in me in an hour because of the fake-prince-sempai." Fran muttered loud enough for Bel to hear, while settling on the comfy couch as far away from Bel as possible.

Stab. Stab. Stab.

Meanwhile, in the master suite where Xanxus and Squalo were supposed to live in, the poor shark suffering from hair loss screamed his head off.

Why, you may ask. Well, his bed had bed sheets that had tiny cartoon sharks printed dancing happily, taunting their namesake. To make things worse, his side of the room varied from having large posters of sharks to cartoon sharks swimming across the bright blue wallpaper.

Xanxus's side of the room, however, looked exactly like the room he had before, mature and calming. Lussuria's room, when Squalo stormed over to check out, gave him sore eyes due to the amount of fluffy and pink things, but still looked like what Lussuria would prefer. He ignored Levi, who locked himself in the bathroom to avoid being groped, and stomped back.

"VROII! I'm going to kill that Vongola boss!"

"Trash. Stop screaming." Xanxus lifted his guns threateningly.

"Levi-chan~ Don't be so me-an~" Lussuria's voice could be heard faintly by the furious shark.

Just in time with Lussuria's sickly sweet voice, the boss threw a wine glass at Squalo's head and demanded for good wine.

Just as Fran was about to die (stab), Levi was about to be molested (the bathroom door can't last for long) and Squalo's thin patience was about to snap ("VROII!"), Tsuna's face appeared on each room's television.

"H-Hi everyone." Tsuna stammered through the speakers. "Ano…Yamamoto insisted on sending you to Singapore so you could all have fun. So, don't be mad at him, okay?"

"Oh no," Squalo said, deciding to get angry at safer option instead, as anger mark after anger mark appeared on his silvery head. "I'm not angry at him. Not at all. Except that there's still a #%^#!$#^# THROBBING lump on my head WHERE HE HIT ME WITH A #$%^#!#$%^ BASEBALL."

"Bel-sempai, would you stop stabbing me?" Fran groaned in his monotone as he pointed to the Tsuna on screen Bel had not even noticed.

"Because we want you to enjoy this trip as much as possible, The Family will be paying for all of your expenses. So you can buy anything or eat anything you want."

"Ushishishi. The prince wonders if they sell that pair of three-thousand dollar boots he saw in that shop in Italy here." Belphegor was sufficiently distracted by Tsuna's words for the frog to make his escape.

"Nice timing, Vongola Tenth." Fran gave a tiny smile as he examined his injuries.

"Ooh~ I get to buy all the cute and adorable things I want!" Lussuria squealed in the other room, forgetting entirely about Levi, much to the Varia Lightning Guardian's relief.

"Ano…so…In order for you to enjoy your stay… I have ..." Tsuna became very nervous and started stammering some gibberish. "REBORN! I CAN'T DO THIS!"

This got the Varia interested, Bel hoping to see some gore. The Spartan trainer was famous throughout the whole of Vongola.

"Dame-Tsuna," The Varia could hear Reborn say loudly as Tsuna was hit with a dying will bullet.

"TELL THE VARIA THE NEWS WITH MY DYING WILL!" Clad in only his underpants, Tsuna jumped up and announced the terrible information.

"You're staying in Singapore for a few weeks. So in order for you to enjoy your vacation, I have arranged for a tour guide to lead you around Singapore." The cool voice of Hyper Tsuna told them. "If you kill the tour guide or any innocent citizens or don't follow the schedule, your unlimited credit cards would be cancelled."

Everyone sat in silence.

Fran blinked. "A… tour guide?"

Some muffled sounds came from the bathroom, but Lussuria was too busy to pay attention anymore.

"Ushishishi. He dares threaten royalty? That PEASANT!" Belphegor ran to Xanxus's room in a childish fit.

Fran followed him out of the extravagantly designed room, stopping only to get Lussuria, forgetting about the poor presence in the toilet.

"Vroii! I don't want my unlimited credit card to be taken away! I still have to refurnish my $#%#$#%$ room!" Squalo cursed, pulling clumps of silver hair away from his head.

"Ditto, stupid long-haired commander," Bel replied, breaking open the door.

"Ah, you just defiled my innocent mind with those _vulgar _words."

"Shut up, Fran!" The captain shouted.

Lussuria jumped up and down behind Fran gayly. "I have the CUTEST dress to seduce the tour guide!"

"My eyes have begun to hurt already…" Fran uttered, with a slightly grossed out look on his not-so-blank face.

Bel's chesire grin faded as he nodded. "The Prince agrees with the froggy."

"VROII! We'll just listen to the $!$#% tour guide then!" Squalo announced after fetching the boss his wine (and getting hit by four wine glasses). "VROII! WHO PUT SO MANY WINE GLASSES THERE?"

"Trash." Xanxus simply glared at Squalo.

"Besides, he never said we couldn't _torture _the Tour guide, only that we couldn't kill him." Fran mentioned, possibly creating hell for the tour guide later.

"Ushishishi," Bel replied evilly, tilting his head towards the door, where several timid knocks could be heard mere seconds later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Although if Akira Amano wants to give it to me for free, I won't decline her kind offer.**

**This chapter is co-written by OneSunnyNight and iNikkix3. **

**The next chapter might be written by NinaKerndall, but this chapter is strictly written by the people above.**

**Please R&R, but no flaming please!**

_**Chapter Two: The tour-guide**_

"_Ushishishi," Bel replied evilly, tilting his head towards the door, where several timid knocks could be heard mere seconds later._

"Get the door, Froggy," Bel smirked his oh-so-infamous smirk. "Before the Prince makes the Frog do it."

"Wow, I'm so scared, Bel-sempai," Fran couldn't help but roll his eyes—oh wait, he did that on purpose.

Bel's left eye twitched as a wine glass was thrown at the guy wearing the obvious frog hat.

"Get the ^$%#$^ door before I ^$%#& make you, trash," The slightly drunk boss threw a wine glass at the teal-haired frog boy.

"…Fine." Fran uttered in a monotone.

Bel's left eye twitched again as he inwardly thought, 'Why does Froggy listen so obediently to the idiotic boss instead of the noble Prince who has pure royal blood flowing in his veins?'

His jealous thought was left unanswered.

Fran dragged his feet towards the door and was about to open the door slowly with the speed of a sloth when he suddenly questioned, "Why is it so quiet?"

Everyone turned to look at Squalo. Who was, currently, lying on the floor with blood soaking his glistening silver hair. Glass shards lay about the floor near his head, which the genius prince estimated to be about eight shattered wine glasses.

"Ushishishi." The fake prince only laughed easily, without a single shred of pity for his commander.

"Is that blood? KYAAAA! SOMEONE SAVE ME!" Lussuria shrieked and ran out of the room through a side door which was linked to his room.

If he was expecting someone to follow after him, he was sadly mistaken.

"No. It's ketchup." Fran responded a little too late, with a light tone on the surface, but his words were heavily laced with sarcasm deep down.

The rest of the Varia proceeded to look at their boss, excluding the said person, the bleeding dude on the floor, the squealing homo and the almost-molested Lightning Guardian.

Who was dozing off in his chair, wine bottle dangling from one hand.

The timid knocks, which was either ignored or forgotten previously, returned with vengeance, increasing in volume and speed.

Fran attempted to move to the door, but was nailed on the spot by a horrifying sight coming from the side door.

"Ushishishi. Why is the Froggy stunned?"

Bel tried to stab his Froggy again but when he saw the gruesome sight that actually managed to freeze the emotionless Fran, his jaw dropped and his eyes were probably as large as dinner plates behind his hair—sorry, _royal _dinner plates behind his _royal _locks of hair.

Squalo was still knocked out on the floor, bleeding to his death, while Xanxus remained asleep. Levi locked himself in the bathroom again, trembling rather violently after his close shave with almost seeing the gay homo change.

"So, darlings, what do you think?" The remaining member of the squad pirouetted around in his outfit, seemingly getting over his disgust at Squalo's blood.

Or maybe he just wanted an excuse to change into his repulsive clothes.

He, or it, was dressed in a lacy, frilly and pink Lolita dress as he sashayed towards the almost dead 'Squ-chan'. He was wearing net stockings which hugged his legs a bit too tightly, and pale pink branded high heels.

"It's so cute, ne?" He pouted slightly, as he ruffled the… ruffles on his silky dress, expecting a praise of some sort.

"Excuse the Prince while he goes to have a princely puke," Bel barely managed to choke out before escaping to his room.

"Ah. Senpai, wait for me," Fran broke out of his horrified gaze and decided to follow the fake prince out.

Faint sounds of puking could be heard in the distance.

"Mou…" Lussuria sulked unhappily. "You guys are just too horrible! Lus-nee knows she looks perfect!"

"What the %$^#$ …" Squalo groaned, shuddering slightly from the floor near Xanxus's feet.

"Squ-chan! Wait for a moment! I'll heal you up with Pea-chan!" Lussuria announced in a gay manner as he opened his box.

"Trash. Shut up." The intoxicated boss woke up enough to growl at the long-haired Squalo who wasn't doing anything. Yet.

Suddenly, the knocks on the door became more and more frantic, as if the person outside was panicking. Not one person in the Varia heard the pathetic tapping, though, as Levi was stuck in the bathroom, Bel and Fran were busy puking in their room, Xanxus was sleeping and Lussuria was healing Squalo.

All of a sudden, the doors to the suites fell open, with a loud 'bang!'

"You people are late by 43 minutes, 25 seconds and 27 split-seconds." A very familiar, a much too familiar voice rang out. "And here am I thinking that the Varia would at least be punctual."

A green gun that did not belong to Xanxus was aimed at the head of the leader of the finest assassination squad in Italy.

Their tour guide had arrived.

**iNikkiX3's note: So… Know who the tour guide is yet? Cookies if you do!**

**Anyway, I think this sucks. It can be a filler, since it doesn't say anything different from the other one. Not really funny or interesting. So SORRRRRRRRRRRRRY~ Oh, and I'll post up Dear 26 sama soon!**

**OneSunnyNight's note: ****Nikki-san is an emo emo person who really seriously thinks this sucks. I contradict that fact. Because I am that awesome. :DD**


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